Amber Callahan, PlantFit

Amber CallahanMy entire story with yoga and meditation (starting almost a year ago now), started because I awakened from an autopilot state of life (not to anyone’s fault but my own).  The frenzy of thoughts that were unleashed during that time were completely overwhelming and I honestly had no idea what to do with them at first.  They caused anxiety, panic and depression because I let them engulf me.  My thoughts raced on a daily basis and just kept pulling me further down into a state of indecision.  Indecision about who I was, what to do with my life and how to handle the influx of emotion.

During that time, I chose to learn how to manage those emotions and become more present in my life by practicing Zen meditation and yoga.  However, it is still a struggle months later to remain centered and present much of the time, although I am much more aware of my thoughts and emotions and am able to manage them without them overwhelming and controlling me.

So in week 5, I focused on being more present again because I was beginning to lose myself in the chaos of life.  I think it’s actually one of the biggest things I’ve taken away from the 40 Day Revolution.  One of my goals at the start of the Revolution was to find balance and I’ve kept that in the forefront over the last 5 weeks.  I have made some changes to my work schedule that are allowing me more balance, I’m saying no to some things that were draining me completely, and I'm saying yes to some things that will bring me joy (another goal I had for the 40 Day Revolution).  In saying no, I am slowing down some and taking more time to be aware of my life again and opening up space to say yes to new things.

With all the changes that I have been through in the last few months I did allow myself to fall back in survival mode and lost track of myself and what I want for my life.  I definitely have not “been living from my center” for the last few months. There were days in the last few months, that at the end of them, I could not even recall what I ate, who I spoke to, what I wore, etc because they were such a blur.  There were days that I was not even sure how I got home. 

Part of the reason my life did get so chaotic is definitely lack of belief in myself and ignoring my intuition.  I will admit that I struggle with belief surrounding some of my goals and I definitely have pushed my intuition away in a number of situations (that gut feeling that I have chosen to ignore time and time again).

My “monkey mind” sabotages me in the area of belief and even in trusting my intuition.  There are things that I want so badly in my life, but I make excuses that become roadblocks to my goals.  Those excuses revolve around my own ability much of the time.  I make excuses about being tired, about not having enough time, not being skilled enough, etc.  Ultimately I am the reason that I have not reached some of my goals and my primary issue is belief that I am able to do so. 

So, I am making a conscious effort to fill my life with people and activities (both personal and professional) that align with what I want in my life.  I am making a commitment to be more present in my life and to trust that if I just listen and connect to myself, my life will follow a path that will serve me.

What about you?  How present are you in your life?  Do you make decisions because you are trying to please others around you or are you living your life and making decisions that will serve you and nourish you?

“We may think we have struggles and problems in life, but the only problem we have is a disconnection from our center.  When we come back to self, all the other things begin to take care of themselves and our lives begin to flow.” – Baron Baptiste, 40 Days to Personal Revolution.


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